Rugga Big Brother

If you live in the UK then there is a VERY good reason to avoid slumping into your sofa over the next month and go out and do something much more interesting instead. 

Yes, 'Celebrity' Big Brother is back on our screens for a mind-numbing four weeks, and this can only mean one thing: Newspapers and television will be awash with this year's batch of eleven fame hungry ZZZ-list 'celebrities' who are all aiming to dazzle us with their limited talents and try to relaunch their extinguished stars back into the glittering limelight.  For a few weeks at least.

Amongst the plethora of washed up attention seekers who will be 'entertaining' us this year is cross-dressing cage fighter Alex Reid, Dane Bowers (aka The Fat One from crappy 90's boyband 'Another Level'), and a random Page 3 model.  Woo hoo.

Lock the doors, turn off the cameras and leave them all in there for 5 years...

However, the start of 'Celebrity' Big Brother got me thinking.  Wouldn't it be great if we could sling a selection of rugby stars, pundits, coaches and maybe a referee into the Big Brother house and watch them ruck it out for four weeks?

Picture the scene: 

Pundit Stuart Barnes debates the finer points of the breakdown with Richie McCaw, who, after 3 hours of needling from The Barrel, yawns and hands-off the still chattering Barnesy and tunnels his way to the garden where he begins a high-hair contest with the lesser spotted Gavin Henson.  In the kitchen, Martin Castrogiavanni is whipping up a culinary masterpiece with the help of a salivating John Smit, whilst Matt Giteau pings bread rolls across the room so they perfectly land onto each of the twelve dining room plates.  In the bathroom, Schalk Burger is giving Luke Fitzgerald a facial (of the deep cleansing mudpack variety) whilst Jeremy Guscott arranges his splendid selection of scarves in colour-coded order in the bedroom.  Moving outside to the jacuzzi, we find ladies favourites Dan Carter and Rob Kearney enjoying a hot, bubbly dip whilst Rocky Elsom bench presses Gavin Henson's suitcase which is rammed full of haircare products.

Henson has the highest hair of them all

Also, imagine the tasks that Big Brother could challenge them with:

Marvel as John Smit battles it out against the clock in the pie-eating task.
Laugh when Rocky Elsom pile drives Jezza Guscott into the ground during the Tackle Bag challenge.
Gape in wonder when Stuart Barnes out sprints Rob Kearney in the Chicken Run Bleep Test.


I did consider throwing calamitous referee David Rose into the mix along with Rob Andrew and his new nemesis Saracens' boss Brendan Venter, but I decided that might end in a blood bath, and we had quite enough of all that blood-spitting in 2009.

Yes, it will never happen, but this is a reality TV show that I would definitely watch...

What's the Difference between Rugby and Facebook?

The answer is that poking is fun on Facebook but not in a game of rugby.

Yes Julien Dupuy and David Attoub of Stade Francais, I am talking to you.

Poor Stephen Ferris of Ulster was singled out for a disgusting spot of eye-gouging by this dispicable duo during the Ulster vs Stade Francais Heineken Cup Round 3 game, and the pair will now face a disciplinary hearing this Thursday.

Dupuy and Attoub released a joint statement, which says:
"..We apologise to the players and the Ulster club. Our actions were neither premeditated nor intentional.

"We also want to apologise to our club, players and staff for the negative image we've created."

So your actions weren't premeditated eh?  Let's look at the evidence.

First up, scrum-half Julien Dupuy:

"The pictures aren't really in my favour but I really didn't mean to put my fingers in his eyes," Dupuy told a French radio station. "I don't think I'm a dirty player."

Riiight.

Next up, David Attoub:

Yep, I can see some definite finger to eye contact in both cases.

So what should the punishment be for this pair of pokers?

Schalk Burger got off lightly with an eight week ban for poking his finger right into the eye socket of Lions winger Luke Fitzgerald this summer.  Then a couple of months ago, Shane Jennings was banned for twelve weeks after "making contact with the eye area of Nick Kennedy", even though the disciplinary panel said it was on the "lower end of the scale of seriousness for this type of offence."

So what options do the disciplinary panel have?  Well with the Shane Jennings case as a precedent I'd say Dupuy and Attoub are both looking down the barrel of a minimum 3 month ban if they are found guilty of eye-gouging, but the panel can dish out a ban of up to three years if they see fit.

I'm not saying that Dupuy and Attoub should be made examples of, but surely the only way to deter players from indulging in this disgusting and dangerous tactic which has no place in the game of rugby is to start handing out bans of 6 - 12 months or more.

I will be keeping my eye on this story...

The Boks Least Favourite Meal

is Irish pea soup:

Mmm, tasty

Ireland 15 - 10 South Africa
Ireland vs South Africa at Croke Park was heralded as one of the more mouthwatering fixtures of the Autumn International calendar, and so it proved.  However the South African's palates weren't quite prepared to sample the traditional Irish pea-souper that welcomed them to the home of Gaelic sport.

South Africa's stand-off Morne Steyn seemed perplexed as to why his long range kicks failed to fight their way through the thick Dublin air and repeatedly fell short.  It's not quite the same as banging them over from 70 metres in South Africa's high veldt, eh Morne?

Luckily for Ireland, Steyn's opposite number Jonny Sexton lived up to his hype and tucked in to score all of Ireland's 15 points.

Jonny be very good

I enjoyed this game and it was definitely one of the better outings of the November internationals.

Ireland started off a bit wonky in the scrum with the might of the Boks powering them backwards, and the Saffas had pretty much all of the territory for the first quarter.  Ireland fought back to regain their grip on the territory battle, their line out functioned well, and fortunately we didn't have much in the line of aimless kicking to endure.  This was probably a good thing, as the swirling fog that rested over the top of Croke Park like a frothy head on a pint of Guinness made it difficult to pick out any balls that were sent into orbit.  Not that it was a problem for Man of the Match Rob Kearney who had another storming performance at fullback.

The only try of the game came when Mr. Popular (aka Schalk Burger) burst through the Irish defence to score.  Unsurprisingly he was greeted with boos from the partisan Croke Park crowd when he booted the ball into the stand.  Well, really Schalk - what did you expect?

So Ireland end 2009 unbeaten having claimed the scalp of the World and Tri-Nations champions.  Not a bad effort at all, even if the manky Dublin weather did turn out for them as the 16th man.

Ireland for the World Cup in 2011?  It's looking increasingly likely at this rate.

It's all about Consistency...

Is it really Thursday already? Yes it certainly is, and once again it's time for me to put my Mystic Meg hat on and cast my eye over this weekend's Guinness Premiership and Magners league fixtures to give you a few predictions.

Before I start polishing my crystal ball, I want to talk about a rather contentious topic which is really riling me at the moment: the inconsistency of disciplinary committees. This week saw Leinster's Shane Jennings have his appeal over his twelve week ban for "making contact with the eye area" of Nick Kennedy turned down by an Independent Appeal Committee. The original committee adjudged Jennings' foul play to be in the "low-end in the level of seriousness for an offence of this type" and Nick Kennedy submitted both a verbal and written testimony in which he admitted he had "over-reacted" to the incident. Now I am not condoning this type of illegal play whatsoever as there is no place for in the game of rugby at all. What I find so incredulous is that Schalk Berger practically poked Luke Fitzgerald's eyes out in the second Lions test match this summer and all he received was a comparatively lenient 8 week ban. Consistency is all I ask for. Is it really so difficult for all the suits who sit on these committees to formulate a universal approach?

Schalk Burger only got an 8 week ban for this?

In other news there is now a selection headache brewing for Martin Johnson in the run up to the Autumn Internationals. Phil Vickery's neck injury rules the tight head prop out for three months and completes a hat trick of injuries sustained by England's front row. It will be interesting to see if Johnson plumps for youth or experience to replace the might of Vickery, Mears and Sheridan. I wouldn't be surprised to see a mixture of the two, with a likely call up for Saints' Dylan Hartley who I think will scrum down alongside Julian White and possibly Tim Payne.

Anyway, enough of all my ranting. Here are my predictions for this weekend's games with the winners highlighted in bold.

Guinness Premiership:

Bath v Newcastle
Gloucester v Wasps
London Irish v Leicester
Northampton v Sale
Worcester v Harlequins

Saracens v Leeds Carnegie

Magners League:

Edinburgh v Munster
Glasgow v Connacht
Scarlets v Newport-Gwent Dragons

Cardiff Blues v Ospreys
Ulster v Leinster

I know, I know, I'm a Leeds Carnegie fan and I'm not backing my team. Then again would you back them against the unbeaten force of the Saracens when Leeds have been so consistently bad this season? No, I didn't think so. In this case I would be very happy to be proved wrong, however sadly I can't see this happening.

In other Leeds news, prop Fosi Pala'amo has had his visa rejected so he won't be joining up with the squad this season. Mike MacDonald has been forced to reapply for his visa and is still playing a waiting game over in the States. Come on Big Mac, we're missing you over here, and the Morrissons pie counter next to the Kirkstall training ground is close to going out of business!

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm aware this has been a rather serious blog entry so I will end on a lighter note with a picture my Mum sent to me this week. Ages ago I bought her a Paint-Your-Own Garden Gnome as a joke, and this week she finally got round to giving the naked gnome a lick of paint. Here are the results:

Bless her she painted it in a Leeds Carnegie kit. Is it just me or does it bear a passing resemblance to Juan Gomez?

Have a good weekend everyone!