Warren Gatland's Sh*t Sandwich

Warren Gatland must be furious.

The Wales coach was forced to watch his side sandwich an error-strewn, poor performance between a strong start and a grandstand finish,

Again.

Wales raced to a 16-3 lead over a weakened Springboks side at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff on Saturday, only to see their lead eroded to 16-14 at half time.

A poor lineout teamed with defensive errors and missed tackles saw South Africa run out 34-31 winners, despite Wales' now famous Lazarus-style comeback in the last 10 minutes.

A frustrated Warren Gatland said:  "Ill-discipline let them back in and we gave them the game on a plate."

And what a tasty dish it was too. 

I kind of wish I had used my Formula 1 viewing technique for this match as it would have made it much more enjoyable:
Watch the start and the first few laps (generally quite exciting as the potential of someone rear-ending Lewis Hamilton is quite high), doze off through the middle of the race and then wake up to see final lap.

All the action, none of the boredom and a refreshing nap thrown in for good measure.

Still, at least Gatland is staying positive ahead of his team's two test match trip to his native New Zealand this month.

He said: "We played the world champions today. Guys who played in the Super 14 final last week, and the Stormers and the Bulls are two of the best teams in the world.


"The thing from today is you feel like you are not too far away and you are not turning up thinking we hope to have a good day and they have a bad day and we can cause an upset.

"We know if we are more clinical we are capable of beating anyone. Today was an opportunity we didn't take."

Quite true.  But if Wales don't sort out their basic game and set piece, Richie McCaw and chums will take the plate containing Gatland's sh*t sandwich and hand it back to him with his arse on it.

Tuck in, boyos!

Wales v South Africa: Preview and Prediction

Saturday 5 June, k.o. 2:30pm, Millennium Stadium, Cardiff.

The start to Wales' summer of rugby has been overshadowed by the club v country row over Butch James.

Bath centre James, included in the Springboks side after a two year absence, was forced to return to his club when Premier Rugby insisted the game does not fall within the international playing window.

The South African Rugby Union had hoped to secure James' release by virtue of clauses in his contract, but their request was rejected by Premier Rugby, the umbrella organisation for England's Premiership clubs

James' absence sees uncapped Juan de Jongh start, Victor Matfield comes into the team to replace injured Andries Bekker, and Zane Kirchner has also been called up as a replacement.

Both Matfield and Kirchner played in the Bulls Super 14 final win over the Stormers last weekend.

Elsewhere, Andy Powell, Wales' golf-buggy loving satsuma-skinned back row forward, has seen his return to the international fold scuppered by a torn thigh muscle.

Powell was axed from the Wales squad in February following his drunken antics in a golf buggy after a boozy post-match celebration.

He was recalled to the bench but injury has put his return on hold, and he will now also miss the summer tour to New Zealand.

Wales coach Warren Gatland has shocked Wales fans by picking James Hook at outside centre.  Hook is not touring with the squad, instead going under the knife for a shoulder op.

Ospreys scrum-half Mike Phillips partners Stephen Jones at half-back, and with Jamie Roberts at 12 and Hook outside him, the Wales backline looks strong.  Leigh Halfpenny and Tom Prydie start on the wings with Lee Byrne at fullback.  With a backline like this, Wales have got to run in a hatful of tries, right?

Phillips will play opposite Ricky Januarie, who spent three months at the Ospreys this season when Phillips was sidelined by injury.

My prediction:  This is as good a time as any for Wales to beat the Springboks.  Wales were the kings of high drama in this year's Six Nations but they will need to stop the 'Boks from getting a head start of 20 points.  Warren Gatland's men can't afford to give South Africa such a luxury.  Wales to win by 6.


Wales: Lee Byrne (Ospreys); Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff Blues), James Hook (Ospreys), Jamie Roberts (Blues), Tom Prydie (Ospreys); Stephen Jones (Scarlets), Mike Phillips (Ospreys); Paul James (Ospreys), Matthew Rees (Scarlets), Adam Jones (Ospreys), Bradley Davies (Blues), Deiniol Jones (Blues), Jonathan Thomas (Ospreys), Sam Warburton (Blues), Ryan Jones (capt, Ospreys).


Replacements: Huw Bennett (Ospreys), John Yapp (Blues), Alun Wyn Jones (Ospreys), Rob McCusker (Scarlets), Richie Rees (Blues), Dan Biggar (Ospreys), Andrew Bishop (Ospreys).

South Africa: Frans Steyn (Racing Metro); Gio Aplon (Stormers), Jaque Fourie (Stormers), Juan de Jongh (Stormers), Odwa Ndungane (Sharks); Ruan Pienaar (Sharks), Ricky Januarie (Stormers); CJ van der Linde (Leinster), John Smit (Sharks, capt), BJ Botha (Ulster), Danie Rossouw (Bulls), Victor Matfield (Bulls), Francois Louw (Stormers), Dewald Potgieter (Bulls), Joe van Niekerk (Toulon).

Replacements: Chiliboy Ralepelle (Bulls), Jannie du Plessis (Sharks), Alistair Hargreaves (Sharks), Ryan Kankowski (Sharks), Meyer Bosman (Cheetahs), Zane Kirchner (Bulls), Bjorn Basson (Cheetahs).

Six Nations Previews and Predictions: Week 3

Wales v France

Friday night’s game is a tantalising battle between Grand Slam hopefuls France and comeback Kings Wales.

Who can forget the men in red’s pulsating victory over Scotland in Cardiff in week two?

Confidence will be high in the Wales camp, but the task facing Gatland’s men this weekend is a formidable one.

The Wales coach has focussed his criticism on his back row after the last gasp win over Andy Robinson’s Scotland. With Andy Powell dropped in the wake of Golf Buggy-gate and Martyn Williams and captain Ryan Jones unusually below par, Wales’ forwards need to up their game.

Will Williams (l) and Ryan Jones (r) provide good service to Stephen Jones (c)?

Alun Wyn Jones is out after undergoing surgery on his elbow and Deiniol Jones and Bradley Williams get a chance to impress in the second row. Scrum-half Mike Phillips returns to the bench despite only playing 40 minutes of rugby in the past four months. Dwayne Peel must be left wondering if his move to Sale has scuppered his international career.

France coach Marc Lievremont will be forced to juggle his team again after injuries to Benjamin Fall, Pascal Pape and Fulgence Ouedraogo.

Both winger Fall and lock Pape suffered ankle injuries and will be replaced by Julien Malzieu and Julien Pierre respectively. Pape’s absence means Sebastien “The Caveman” Chabal comes onto the bench and Julien Bonnaire replaces Ouedraogo.

Alexis Palisson has recovered from Jerry Flannery’s can-can kick and starts on the wing.

As for the game, I think the clash between centres Mathieu Bastereaud and James Hook will be a fascinating one to watch.

The forward battle will be the key area though, and France’s powerful scrum will be a stern test for the Wales pack. Gethin Jenkins came off the bench against Scotland but doesn’t feature in the 22 to face France.

If Wales get good service from the pack they will give the flair-packed France a run for their money. However, I can’t see France slipping up at the Millennium Stadium.

My prediction: France to win by 8.


England v Ireland

It’s make or break time for England. After two lacklustre games for the men in white, Ireland will be a much sterner test.

A stuttering performance against Wales and an unimpressive win over Italy mean Martin Johnson’s team is still on for the Grand Slam. However write off Ireland at your peril. Declan Kidney’s men were taught a rugby lesson in France a fortnight ago and only a win against England will keep their championship dreams alive.

Johnson has only tinkered with his match day 22 after criticism over the team’s performance in Rome. He has stuck with (maybe not so) Super Jonny at fly-half and Ben Foden and Joe Worsley both start on the bench.

As for Ireland...  OK so a back to back Grand Slam is no longer possible for Brian O’Driscoll and chums but the Triple Crown is definitely in their sights.


Rory Best will start at hooker for Ireland after Jerry Flannery was banned after his not exactly subtle kick on Alexis Palisson.

Ireland's first choice fly half: Jonny Sexton

Wunderkind Jonny Sexton snatches the number 10 jersey from Ronan O’Gara with the Munster man relegated to the bench. Rob Kearney is out with injury and he is replaced by Leicester’s Geordan Murphy. A fit again Donnacha O’Callaghan pushes Leo Cullen to the bench.

England is hardly a dynamic force in the world of rugby at the moment, and Ireland will have been busy licking their wounds after the 33-10 hammering in France. Unless Martin Johnson and co’s strategy has undergone a total revamp in the last couple of weeks, then I expect England to kick the ball away ad infinitum which will give Ireland ample opportunity to run it back at them. And past them. And over the line.

The key battle I’ll be watching is Jonny v Jonny. Fly-half of the recent past v fly-half of the future. I wonder who will take control and pull the strings to orchestrate a win? I think it will be Jonny Jnr.

My prediction: Ireland to win by 12.


Italy v Scotland

Andy Robinson’s Scotland committed what can only be called rugby hari kari against Wales two weeks ago. Quite why Mike Blair chose to run the ball rather than boot it into touch when the clock went red only he will know. Add to that the two late sin binnings and 13-man Scotland could only watch as impish Shane Williams skipped over the line to snatch a last gasp win.

Gutting.

So what next? Well, all is not lost as this weekend they face serial wooden spoon winners Italy.

England made tough work of overcoming the Azzurri but Italy looked much more convincing than they did against Ireland. Surely Scotland have enough flair to overcome the tournament whipping boys though?

In a word: yes.

Max Evans returns for the Scots after scoring a try after coming off the bench against Wales. Hugo Southwell and Simon Danielli replace Chris Paterson and Rory Lamont and Allan Jacobsen is in for Alistair Dickinson in the front row. The Scots are looking to turn their fortunes around and end a two-game losing streak in the tournament.

Evans will hopefully take it to the Max.

Italy coach Nick Mallet has named only one change for Italy as Carlo Antonio Del Fava starts in the second row after a remarkable recovery from knee surgery.

Italy will be targeting the game against Scotland as their most realistic chance to notch up a win as Scotland are the only team they have beaten in the Six Nations.

However the Scots will be looking to turn their 70 minute performance against Wales into a full 80 minute win against Italy. If they don’t, the wooden spoon awaits…

My prediction: Scotland to win by 13.

So what do you think?  Will France march on towards a Grand Slam?

Six Nations Top Trumps: Wales

"We need to get off to a good start. If you don’t get off to a winning start, there is that added pressure and you’re always chasing.”

I couldn't agree with you more, Warren Gatland. 

Beware Martin Johnson's England on 6 February when Wales arrive at Twickenham.  Wales' coach Gatland is certainly talking the talk.  Gatland has focused on the inexperience of the England scrum as a weakness that will be targeted by his British and Irish Lions filled pack.  But will Wales fire in 2010?  In last year's tournament they slipped to a disappointing 4th place after clinching the Grand Slam in 2008, and losses to Australia and South Africa at Cardiff in November wasn't the ideal preparation.  Wales have two tough games away from home: at Twickenham on the opening weekend and then across the Irish sea at Croke Park.  With key players sidelined due to injury and with pundits questioning Wales' mental toughness, the pressure to perform is on. 

Here are their ratings:

Scrum: 85/100.
Wales have an excellent tight 5 including an all Lions front row in Adam Jones, Matthew Rees and Gethin Jenkins.  Alun Wynn Jones and either Ian Gough or Luke Charteris will add power in the boiler room.  Wales' opening game is against England at Twickenham, who with the absence of Sheridan and Vickery, are likely to field an internationally inexperienced front row.  Games are won and lost based on what happens up front, and the scrum is where Wales will look to dominate.  And I think they will.

Line-Out: 70/100.
With Alun Wynn Jones, Gough/Charteris and Ryan Jones as the jumpers, and Matthew Rees as the hooker, this is another set piece where Wales should excel.

Attacking Flair:  71/100.
Shane Williams is fit and will play on the wing, as will fellow Lion Leigh Halfpenny.  It's a shame that scrum-halves Mike Phillips and Dwayne Peel both miss the competition due to injury, as both are classy playmakers who snipe around the fringes of the scrum.  Richie Rees has been in fine form for the Cardiff Blues at this position though and is one to watch.  World class full back Lee Byrne will play against England after having his ban for being the Ospreys' 16th man in the Heineken Sup game against Leicester overturned.  Stephen Jones might not be a flamboyant fly-half but his magic point scoring boot more than makes up it.  And then there's Lion and Baa-Baa, Jamie Roberts, who is yet another world class player in the Wales team.  All in all, there is attacking flair oozing from this team, but can they string it together?

Defence:  45/100.
Wales' defence was well and truly dismantled in the 33-12 defeat by Australia in November.  The Wallabies ran in four tries which almost made Wales' defence coach, Shaun Edwards, implode with anger.  With such an array of attacking backs, Wales will have to tighten up on their defence to avoid leaving gaping holes on the counter attack.

Stadium: 73/100.
Millennium Stadium.  Capacity 74,500.

Snore Factor: 35/100.
It all depends if the Wales squad of 2010 will emulate their inconsistent performances of last year or their Grand Slam campaign of 2008.  I think it's likely to be somewhere in between based on their opposition, with flashes of brilliance balanced with a certain lack of incision.

Phwoargh Factor: 55/100
Lee "Tango Tan" Byrne, James "I'll play anywhere" Hook and Jonathan "No, not the pundit" Davies are the main attractions in this category.  Mike Phillips is a big loss in this department, and some might argue that the lesser spotted Gavin Henson will be missed.  On the whole it's slim pickings though, unless you like big hair that is.  If that's the case, then Adam Jones is the man for you.

Scandal Potential: 34/100.
Medium.  Nothing too controversial, but I'd suggest that Wales' opposition keep taking a quick headcount during the game, just to make sure that Lee Byrne hasn't sneaked on from the sidelines.

As for the final standings:
Last season: 4th.
Prediction for this season: 4th.

So What has Martin Johnson Learnt After the England vs Australia game?

1. The presence of Andy Goode in the England squad is utterly pointless.  (Click here to see my musings about this lank haired bench-warmer who is neither use nor ornament).  Well, as far as I am concerned anyway.
   
   
2. Ugo Monye is a rubbish full back, especially as he kept forgetting himself and started popping up on the wing.  If Johnno bins off Goode then he can replace Monye with Mr. Musketeer beard himself: Ben Foden - a much safer pair of hands at number fifteen.
   
   
3. The new all-white kit looks lovely, and is much better than the previous effort which featured a splatter of ketchup down the front.  Whether the same can be said for the new purple kit which has its debut this weekend is yet to be seen.
   
   

If only they'd gone for mayonnaise....
4. Steve Thompson has learnt how to throw in at the line-out.  A minor miracle, and a big relief for Johnno's England who seem light in this area.
   
   
5. Wilkinson is back on top form, but even the magic of this world class ten can't do everything.  Shane Geraghty needs to learn to mix it up a bit.
   
   
6. Getting all new-age and trying to psyche out teams a la Andrew Strauss really doesn't work as Mystic Warren Gatland discovered to his peril.  The media had a field day, and so it turned out did the All Blacks.
   
   
7. Australia has a side filled with toddlers and they still beat England convincingly.  They are firm believers that if you're good enough then you're old enough, and with this in mind Lawes and Foden should start against Argentina.

I was trying to think of ten things but I kind of ran out, so I'll leave it at that.

The Welsh Haka

The buzz around the Autumn Internationals has really been building this week.  Can Martin Johnson's cobbled together experimental England side overturn the Aussies at Twickenham?  Sadly I doubt it, and I think that even a reinvigorated Wilkinson will struggle to engineer a victory over the Southern Hemisphere opposition.

Still, I will gladly be proven wrong.  I'd say Australia will win by 6-10 points.

Over in the Wales camp, Mystic Warren Gatland has been hyping up the media single-handedly with his joss-stick waving beliefs that New Zealand have lost their aura, and that without Carter and McCaw in the team they are quite "vulnerable".

Dan Carter looks petrified at the threat of Wales

OK Warren, well we'll see about that.  New Zealand to win by at least 15 points.

The thing I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for this weekend is a repeat of the Wales vs New Zealand staring competition that we saw when these two sides last faced off.  If you haven't see it before, check out the video below:

Classic.

Hopefully Wales will raise their game this time by throwing a little Welsh dancing into the mix when they front up to the infamous New Zealand Haka.

Shane Williams was always first on the dancefloor

I can see it now:  Ryan Jones twirling Leigh Halfpenny around and Stephen Jones doing a solo jig. 

That will definitely strike fear into the hearts of the All Blacks.

Mystic Warren

Why has the year 2009 seen level headed sportsmen turning to Glenn Hoddle for inspiration? Where did the craze of spending time polishing crystal balls and titting about with tea leaves come from? And why is Wales coach Warren Gatland whipping on his mystical Wizard’s cloak and crapping on about auras?

Yes, ahead of the Wales vs New Zealand clash at the Millenium Stadium this Saturday, Warren Gatland has decided to announce that the All Blacks’ aura has slipped:

"If you lose a few games, it doesn't matter who you are, you become a little bit infallible and that aura just goes away."

I’m sure the New Zealand team are bricking it in light of your comments Warren, and that they’re on the hotline to Mystic Meg as I type.

Nice aura Gats

OK, so Gatland does delight the world with his random views on life on a regular basis, but in the world of sporting smack talk I didn’t think I’d see him taking a leaf out of England cricket captain Andrew Strauss’ book and start harping on about auras. All very spiritual and touchy-feely, and something that will undoubtedly rise from the dead like a reincarnated three-headed dog and bite him on his arse after this weekend.

Pride (or should that by mysticism?) often comes before a fall. Do you remember Andrew Strauss’ comments before the third Ashes Test this summer?:

"I don't think this Australia side has an aura about them… An aura only comes with a consistent level of performance over a long period of time. Australia had that but I don't feel that's where they are now, and that's encouraging. It doesn't mean you're more likely to beat them but it does feel like you are playing against any other Test team."

The England cricket team were lucky, as after Strauss’ new age babble about auras they stumbled and drew the third test at Edgbaston before they were ritually humiliated in the fourth test at Headingley. Happily, team England managed to save Strauss’ blushes by winning the decisive test at The Oval. I wonder what colour his aura was at the start of that test match? Probably brown as he was sh*tting himself.

So is this a case of rainbow coloured-aura Déjà vu as far as Gatland’s Wales is concerned? Is this talk going to motivate his team to a win?

Probably not. Wales are going to be convincingly beaten by New Zealand this weekend and will be made to eat Gatland’s words. Possibly along with an aura or two.

Tuck in boyos.